We’ve all struggled with feelings of unworthiness.

It’s part of our human nature. With so many gurus and self-help books out there
claiming to have all of the answers, why does it still feel so overwhelming and
insurmountable?

Many “self-help” books often only deal with surface issues, but don’t really get to the
core of where our feelings of unworthiness and shame truly come from.

Rather than give advice, I’d like to share a small piece of my background with you,
offering insight into my own struggles and how I have worked with those. Perhaps you
can relate.

 

Let me know if this sounds familiar…

 

I grew up in a small town in Dayton Ohio. I was heavily influenced by my upbringing,
most notably by my father (who was in the Navy) and the Roman Catholic church.

I attended Catholic schools for both elementary and high school. In my household, there was a right way and a wrong way to do everything. If I didn’t choose the right way, there were consequences.

 

And then there was my way.

While I did my best to conform to my strict environment, I was a nature loving tomboy at heart.

I loved climbing trees, digging crawdads out of the creek, and catching bees to hear
them buzz because I found the sound so soothing.

 

If there was a tree, hill or rock wall, I was on it and up it. I loved animals and had a penchant for squeezing them because I loved them so much.

I guess you can say that nature was my best friend. Most nights, I stayed out as long as
I could just so I could be in nature.

 

I also loved gazing at the stars.

I felt like I had a cosmic connection, because I swear I could hear the stars chatting at night. I felt alive in that place and I knew it was somehow special.

As I grew up, I started to notice that I was a little different. Once again, I did my best to
conform to the societal norms that were present. But it was so challenging because it took me further away from who I really was.

When I entered middle school, my insecurities became almost insurmountable. I didn’t
like the way I looked, I didn’t like the way I sounded and I didn’t like the way I dressed,
so I often tried to be invisible.

 

I overcompensated

In order to compensate for the insecurities, I overcompensated by becoming an avid
athlete. I played soccer, volleyball, softball, and ran track. I excelled at all of them and
became known as the brute.

There wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle, any ball I couldn’t stop. Sports gave me a way to actually feel my essence, and it saved my life.

So while I hid who I was at school, I developed an outlet to be me. I am grateful the outlet was something healthy like sports but the overcompensating took its toll on me.

 

Addictions

I consistently grappled with not feeling worthy, not feeling enough, not feeling deserving of anything. And so the addictions began when I entered high school.

It started with food, where I would go for days without eating anything, and I would work out multiple times a day.  I threw myself into my school work, my after school job and my sports. I also drank a lot of alcohol on the weekends. Everything I did was to numb out the pain I was feeling deep inside.

Before I knew it, my life became a well-oiled machine, compressed by a 24 hour
schedule. I slept 4-5 hours per night and the rest of the time, I was busy doing
something to keep my feelings at bay.

This cycle continued throughout college and much of my early adult life. I swapped out school for work and became a workaholic.

I competitively played volleyball and soccer well into my 40’s. I was married with 2 small children when my world came crashing down.

Getting Sick

 

My system could no longer take the running, the hiding, the constant stress of do, do, do. I got sick…really sick. It forced me to start to peek under the surface and begin to face what I was running from.

It was then that I signed up for a 4 year healing school…and it saved my life.
For the past 12 years, I have been unraveling so much.

Underneath it all is the real me – that little girl who loved nature, loved animals and was rambunctious as hell.

And you know what? There isn’t a thing that has happened in my life that I would
change. I have experienced a lot of ups and downs in life; I think so many of us have.

Through it all, I found more of me. Each difficulty released bottled emotions such as
grief, despair, and anger. I became lighter, more aware, and more connected to my
authentic self.

 

Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

You don’t suddenly wake up one day and feel “worthy”. It’s a journey…one of unraveling what no longer serves us and bringing in more of our authentic self.

Life holds heartbreak, challenges and difficulties, but if you commit to your path and take a small step each day, you will find your way. Life is also full of heart, grace and miracles. By committing to loving yourself, these gifts become part of your daily life.

Be kind to yourself. Love yourself. We all stumble. and that’s okay, it’s part of the
journey.

 

Hey Plant Healers, Jen here

 

You may or may not know I’ve had a healing practice since 2008 and have been teaching about the medicinal uses of essential oils and plants for years now. 

 

I’ve learned to appreciate all aspects of plants and their remarkable healing powers. 

 

I’ve have a strong business background, with almost 30 years in financial services in various leadership roles. 

 

I’m an entrepreneur at heart, having launched two holistic healing businesses in the past 12 years.

 

I see myself as a bridge between traditional and non-traditional ways of being and I am grateful to have the opportunity to bring my passion for plants, healing and business all together in my current endeavors.

 

Maybe I’ve inspired you to cultivate new relationships with the natural world. Plant
wisdom is all around us and it’s always available.

It’s nature’s gift to us.

 

Jennifer Payeur

Holistic Healer and Medicinal Aromatherapist

Ancient Plant Wisdom